Handling workplace conflict: how do you tell someone they smell?

Should you suppress workplace conflict?

At Jaluch, we have seen companies that avoid or suppress workplace conflict as a line of least resistance. Some red flags we have identified include companies settling staff out rather than dismissing them; using performance improvement plans but seldom calling out poor behaviour; never getting round to disciplinary action for staff who go on long-term sick leave. Overworked managers are terrified about addressing negative workplace behaviours for fear of provoking a negative reaction and deflection. The tangible costs of letting conflict fester can seem to be lower than the cost of paying for mediation and a tribunal if a member of staff is dismissed by the organisation. Rather than suppression, managers should see boosting their skills in conflict management as a core business priority and an important part of their learning. Tackling conflict head on is difficult, but ignoring it is costly. 

The impact of ignoring conflict

According to ACAS, workplace conflict costs the UK economy £28.5bn each year. This is comprised of sickness absence and presenteeism, replacing staff who choose to leave because of their experience of conflict and the costs of formal disciplinary action and staff dismissals when conflict goes unchecked. So, creating a culture in your business that encourages openness and a willingness to challenge inappropriate behaviour should be a core priority.  

The impact on your ability to attract and retain talent

A number of HR consultancies have highlighted retaining and engaging employees is a top workforce challenge facing employers in 2024 in the face of a tight labour market, everyone is struggling to attract and retain staff! And the biggest cost of inaction on conflict relates to the cost of replacing staff who have either resigned or been fired; there’s also an indirect cost here for how this impacts the way prospective employees view your business. So, the real-world cost of conflict in your business is an impact on your ability to attract and keep the best people.  

Fostering a culture of “healthy conflict”

Reducing conflict shouldn’t mean reducing challenge. In my experience, organisations that operate with a complete absence of internal challenge can easily fall foul of groupthink and low ambition. Who wants to work in a business where everyone has the same ideas, where people gravitate to the lowest common denominator options, or simply follow the ‘way it has always been done’? Healthy conflict can be a powerful driver of business performance. Conflict that poses questions and challenges existing ways of working can also help to create more inclusive workplaces. Diversity creates a diverse pool of ideas and talent that are waiting to be exploited. It can drive commitment, accountability, and a focus on results.  

In his New York Times Best-selling book, Patrick Lencioni points out that fear of conflict is one of the five features of dysfunctional teams. It starts with a fundamental lack of trust in teams that can leave members unable to be vulnerable with each other and unwilling to admit their mistakes and weaknesses. A lack of commitment, the avoidance of accountability and an inattention to business results can flow from this avoidance of conflict. 

Don’t let a positive workplace culture foster avoidance

A positive and inclusive workplace culture can undoubtedly reduce the incidence of conflict. Getting in early and taking informal steps to manage conflict before it spirals can in most cases lead to a better resolution process. The risk here is that informality can lead to avoidance of the problem and hoping it will go away. Likewise, a strong and healthy company culture is characterised by close relationships which can create better conditions to resolve conflict early. But, again, closeness can foster avoidance where managers feel awkward about raising sensitive issues to avoid causing offence. It’s about finding a balance. 

An inability to tackle conflict head on is often driven by a fear that the feedback will land badly. In practice that can mean a colleague in tears with the associated fear that a grievance, resignation, or tribunal claim will follow. But the flip side of that is the frustration among staff who feel their managers are not robust in tackling behaviour that isn’t consistent with the company’s values. In Karpman’s drama triangle, managers try to avoid tackling issues head on for fear of being dubbed the villain/persecutor by their staff. However, tackling a difficult conversation head on can give a member of staff the spur they need to resolve the problem. It’s about creating psychological safety for the employee to be heard. 

So how to tell a member of staff that they smell 

In one of my first supervisory roles, a group of staff asked that I tell another colleague that they had strong body odour. They claimed that management action was necessary to prevent this becoming an issue that would affect their motivation and performance. I was twenty-four and all my colleagues were older than me. In that situation, in the quiet of my office, I told the colleague sensitively that some issues had been raised about this matter as I wasn’t sure if they were aware. They weren’t aware, were shocked, glad that I had raised it and indicated that they would take steps to remedy the situation; the situation was resolved and no further representations to me were made.   

To improve their conflict competence, managers need to make the jump from avoidance to active coach or challenger. They should step beyond entering a difficult conversation with the answers in their hand. I didn’t suggest how my colleague might resolve the BO issues; I gave them space to be the creator of their destiny, rather than a powerless victim. Think of it as setting the context and offering your colleague a chance to chart a more positive workplace outcome for themselves. This is where the managers would benefit from coaching skills. A conflict confident manager doesn’t need the answers but should know how to ask good questions. 

Are all your managers conflict competent? 

At Jaluch we find that companies that invest in training their staff have fewer workplace tensions and a reduced need for expensive HR consultancy and support. Conflict competence is an essential ingredient in good management, and it has a positive impact on organisational effectiveness and performance. Managers need skills in giving feedback; improving internal communication; intervening in issues sooner; seeking more advice and support and keeping records of issues for future reference in case of a claim to an employment tribunal.  

There is no single, off-the-shelf way to resolve workplace conflict. Every situation will present new and unique challenges and hurdles to be overcome. I have been coaching colleagues in managing conflict for over a decade and, in my experience, the hardest point of any difficult conversation is getting to the point; what is the core issue or behaviour that needs to be discussed? After that, most employees will be able to find answers that work for them, their colleagues, and the business.