Are you really honest about your skills and behaviours? Time to take a look in the mirror!
All too often, when delivering training I share ideas about disruptive or unhelpful behaviours in the workplace that I see my delegates immediately relate to. But instead of recognising these behaviours in themselves – which is what I would love them to do – they only seem to recognise these behaviours in others.
If we were in a 1-2-1, I would challenge them on this, but in a group environment and no pre-existing relationship, I generally take the view that it’s the wrong place and time to call them out.
Why is there this contrast between how we see ourselves and how we might truly be perceived?
Is self-awareness at an all-time low?
I’ve been wondering whether self-awareness and humility about our own development needs is at an all-time low in our workplaces? Or perhaps it’s always been low, I just recognise it more now?
In a recent accountability session, one delegate said to me as she was leaving …
‘I knew you wouldn’t be able to change my behaviour’.
A classic move from someone who wants everyone else to be accountable, but thinks accountability doesn’t apply to them! And in an adaptability session …
‘It’s not our adaptability that’s the problem, it’s everyone else not being adaptable that causes the problem’.
What people say vs. what the self-aware version might say
So I thought I’d share some of my ideas about what people say versus what the self-aware version of themselves might say. Hopefully this will give you a few ideas to push back on those in your teams who are rejecting learning and development.
Select the toggles below to see the ‘self-aware’ version…
I am hugely self-aware.
If I’m honest and listen to what people are telling me, I’d have to acknowledge that I’m not as self-aware as I would like to be. Just yesterday, someone pointed out that I’m not the great problem solver I claim to be. I dismissed it because it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss.
I recognise that while I have some communication strengths, I lack others. As an example, I know I speak well and am a confident speaker in team meetings, but others have repeatedly told me I don’t listen. I know that listening is as important in communication as talking!
I don’t need to attend this assertiveness training; it’s already one of my strengths.
If I’m honest with myself, I’ve been accused of talking over others from time to time and occasionally riding rough-shod over other people’s views and interests. Perhaps there’s something for me to learn on an assertiveness course.
I’m adaptable when I need to be.
I adapt when I choose to, but perhaps there are plenty of occasions when either I don’t know how to adapt to a situation or choose not to adapt as it doesn’t suit my purpose. Being regularly accused of being stubborn is perhaps a great indicator that I’m not as adaptable as I think I am!
I’m skilled at delegating, but sometimes others don’t follow through as expected.
It’s my right to complain if someone upsets me.
I’m always aware that when asserting my rights (such as to speak up if someone has upset me) that I have responsibilities too, including treating others with respect and not stomping over other people’s rights. I therefore need to choose the right place and the right words/tone when speaking up.
I’m a great manager. I have great work ethic and lead by example. I just wish that people would do what I ask, I’m tired of chasing and nagging.
While I like to think I’m a good manager, there are things I avoid addressing and I’m not so great at holding people to account, managing the poor behaviours and people probably see me as a soft touch.
I’m accountable and I wish that others were accountable too.
I’m embarrassed at all the negative thoughts that chase through my mind when I’m heading home after work – it’s as though each day I’ve decided that the whole world is to blame for everything that didn’t go right. I think there’s an opportunity for me to step up and be more accountable for what isn’t going right – at least for those things within my control or sphere of influence.
I’m someone people tend to like.
I’m aware that I effectively buy people’s friendship through feeding them (I regularly arrive with doughnuts or coffee), rescuing them (when they are overloaded with work) and I know that I regularly comment on their strengths and successes but avoid upsetting them by challenging them. Much as it makes me uncomfortable, is this behaviour manipulative rather than genuinely likeable?
I’m great at giving feedback. I just don’t understand why everyone has to be so over-sensitive, it’s as though no one can take feedback anymore.
I’m confident to give tough feedback, but recognise that as my feedback doesn’t always result in the change or response I’m seeking, I could do with a few tips on how to give feedback more constructively or effectively.
I’m a great team player.
I recognise that whilst I can often be a team player I do put my own interests above those of others on a regular basis which makes me not always the great team player I like to think I am!
Ultimately, creating a culture of self-awareness begins with each individual. By acknowledging our own shortcomings and committing to continuous improvement, we not only enhance our own performance but also contribute to a more positive and productive workplace. The most effective leaders and team members are those who are willing to look inward and make necessary changes, rather than blaming others.
Have you got any examples of your own? Let us know in the comments below!
How Jaluch can help
Is your team full of people who blame others? Accountability… adaptability… responsibility… communication – we can help! Get in touch to discuss our coaching and training programmes, or leave us a comment below and one of the team will get back to you.
For any team or people managers interested in some serious and long lasting self-development, please do email us to see if you might qualify for our leadership programme.
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Disclaimer: The information contained within this article is for general guidance only and represents our understanding of employment and associated law and employee relations issues as at the date of publication. Jaluch Limited, or any of its directors or employees, cannot be held responsible for any action or inaction taken in reliance upon the contents. Specific advice should be sought on all individual matters.
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